It's finally over. This incredibly difficult, awful, sad year is finally drawing to a close. I never thought it would end. But, in the same breath, I can't believe it's actually ending so soon. Weird...I know.
Last year at this time, I was sitting at home with Jason. He had just gone through surgery to remove the tumor, so we had just gotten home from the hospital a few days before this and we were very much in a celebratory mood. Because of the surgery, though, we couldn't really do much for NYE other than stay at home. We went shopping for some appetizer items and then had a few friends over to ring in the new year. It was a quiet affair, but a wonderful one nonetheless. My favorite part...kissing those beautiful lips at the stroke of midnight.
That's why my heart hurts today...still 14 hours before the new year. I won't be able to kiss that beautiful man this year at the stroke of midnight. I won't be able to feel his arms around me as we hug and hope for good things in the coming year. That first hug and kiss ringing in 2009 had so much hope surrounding it. 2009 was supposed to be OUR year. It was supposed to be the year that our relationship blossomed. It was supposed to be the year that we merged our lives into one. It was supposed to be the year that he beat cancer. Our relationship did blossum, but we were just a week shy of merging our lives into one before cancer beat him. I guess one out of three is better than none. But, it's just not fair.
2009 held a few good things, though, that shouldn't go unnoticed. It was definitely a big award-winning year. I won an Emmy Award, an Edward R. Murrow Award, a National Headliner Award, and a few other small ones. We raised $11,000 for TEAM JASON and the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society becoming the #1 team in Dallas and #3 team in the state. We're already close to $10,000 ahead of the game for 2010! My station won it's first ever 10pm ratings period in November...which I'm extremely proud to be a part of. It's a pretty great accomplishment when you consider where we were a year ago.
I've met some incredible people throughout this year. Most of them are in the cancer world, and have been a huge support to me through all of this. A few of them, fellow widows, have become a truly amazing friends in a very short amount of time. One of them says I was placed in her life for a reason, but I think the same can be said for her in my life. I'm extremely thankful to have their support on this journey, and I think that's one of my greatest things of 2009.
So, as we count down to 2010 tonight, I will take a few moments to remember, but only a few moments. New Year's Eve is all about looking forward to the year to come...not about where you've been. I want to remember where I've been, but I also want to hold my head high and be filled with hope that 2010 is going to be the GREAT year that I deserve. I'm turning 30 in 2010. I hope to land a new job in 2010. TEAM JASON will be more successful in 2010. I'll get my passport in 2010, and finally take that trip to London I've always wanted to do. I'm going to spend more time for ME in 2010...something I haven't done in many, many years.
My friends, I wish you all the best for 2010. I know many of you reading this have had rough years in 2009. But, let's rejoice together tonight...knowing that there's only good things ahead of us. Be safe tonight in whatever you do and start 2010 off right!
I love you all.
Happy New Year --
Stuart
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
My Relationship With Grief
I learned a little bit about my relationship with grief tonight. It's something that I didn't know I knew, but in talking with my friend Casey, I realized it.
Five minutes from now, it will be December 28th. It will be 7 months to the day that Jason passed away. However, until 3 hours ago when I was reminded what tomorrow's date meant, I didn't think of tomorrow as anything but Monday. The date didn't occur to me, and I didn't think about the significance of the 28th. I'm sure it would've hit me at some point when I saw the date written down on an email or something. But, it struck me that I hadn't been obsessing about the date like I have all previous 28ths since May.
It made me think about grief like a budding relationship. You know when you first start a relationship, you're so excited that you count all the little anniversaries for a while. You count the weeks, then the first few months. But, by six months, you kind of lose track and after that, the only anniversaries that really matter are the years. I feel like that's the way I am with grief now. We had a new relationship that started on May 28th. You can even see in my first blogs that I tracked it by weeks, then by months. It kinda fits.
I guess this means that I'm becoming comfortable in my relationship with grief. Perhaps the "honeymoon period" we all go through in new relationships is over. Now we can get down to the nitty gritty of our relationship and find out what makes each other truly tick. That will help when it comes time to sever ties and break it off...whenever that may happen. Knowing your enemy inside and out only makes you smarter and stronger to kill it.
I told Casey tonight that I'm tired of living my life from 28th to 28th. For once, I just want the 28th to be another day...not the date that marks the anniversary of the darkest time in my life. I didn't forget about that date. Last week, it was staring at me from my calendar, and I made sure that I booked the day up full of work so I would keep my mind occupied. To me on the outside, it's going to be like any other day. On the inside, though, I'll know.
Until next time --
Stuart
Five minutes from now, it will be December 28th. It will be 7 months to the day that Jason passed away. However, until 3 hours ago when I was reminded what tomorrow's date meant, I didn't think of tomorrow as anything but Monday. The date didn't occur to me, and I didn't think about the significance of the 28th. I'm sure it would've hit me at some point when I saw the date written down on an email or something. But, it struck me that I hadn't been obsessing about the date like I have all previous 28ths since May.
It made me think about grief like a budding relationship. You know when you first start a relationship, you're so excited that you count all the little anniversaries for a while. You count the weeks, then the first few months. But, by six months, you kind of lose track and after that, the only anniversaries that really matter are the years. I feel like that's the way I am with grief now. We had a new relationship that started on May 28th. You can even see in my first blogs that I tracked it by weeks, then by months. It kinda fits.
I guess this means that I'm becoming comfortable in my relationship with grief. Perhaps the "honeymoon period" we all go through in new relationships is over. Now we can get down to the nitty gritty of our relationship and find out what makes each other truly tick. That will help when it comes time to sever ties and break it off...whenever that may happen. Knowing your enemy inside and out only makes you smarter and stronger to kill it.
I told Casey tonight that I'm tired of living my life from 28th to 28th. For once, I just want the 28th to be another day...not the date that marks the anniversary of the darkest time in my life. I didn't forget about that date. Last week, it was staring at me from my calendar, and I made sure that I booked the day up full of work so I would keep my mind occupied. To me on the outside, it's going to be like any other day. On the inside, though, I'll know.
Until next time --
Stuart
Friday, December 25, 2009
Christmas Day Has Come And Gone
Well, it came, and now it's gone...almost. There's still a few hours left.
It was Christmas Day like none of us ever wanted to spend. Together...without Jason. We all woke up with a timid feeling about the day. Its tradition for the Harmons to break open the stockings first thing, and then enjoy eggs benedict for breakfast, followed by a hurried opening of the rest of the presents. So we did everything according to plan.
In my stocking - which was Jason's stocking, by the way - were two frogs (Jane knows the significance...since the medium talked about frogs), and a couple other various things. I should also note that as we were opening our stockings, there was music in the background. And lo and behold, what should come on? FELIZ NAVIDAD. I announced to the others that Jason was most definitely here with us.
Breakfast was delicious, and then it was time for presents. I had already given mine. I paid for the framing of the Team Jason shirt autographed by the Ugly Betty staff. I also created a photo book of Team Jason at the Light The Night Walk. In return, I received two very sentimental things. One of them was a beautiful figurine called "Heart of Gold". It's a little boy holding a heart of gold close to his chest. The saying attached to it says "You will always have my heart." I, of course, burst into tears after I was told that this was from Jason. Of course, it wasn't REALLY from Jason, but that didn't matter. It was from him. The second present that sent me into a tizzy is probably the most thoughtful gift I've ever received. It's a beautiful drawing/painting of a ship that Jason did himself back in 1980 - the year I was born. He would've been 10 or 11 at the time. At the bottom, it even says "Jason '80". I'll attach a picture below.
Holding this piece of art, this thing that he created with his own two hands was just the icing on the cake. And what's funny - I received a message the day before from my widow-friend Casey who had received a piece of art from her dead husband's family that he had drawn in grade school. I think it's incredible that we both received these gifts. And what's even weirder...is that in my session with the medium, she brought up receiving art, seeing art, and having art. I wonder if that's what all of this meant now. Something to ponder, I suppose.
Anyway, after the last presents were opened, we relaxed and cleaned up a bit. Ron and I decided to venture over to the cemetery to see Jason. Jane stayed behind. She couldn't handle it. Ron and I stood there at his grave and both of us were overcome with emotion. On this holiday he loved so much, it felt incredibly sad that he was not there with us in the flesh. After a short time, we retreated to the car and sat there for a moment trying to regain our composures. However, not 1 minute after arriving back at the house, I was sobbing in the arms of Jason's mother screaming "It's just not fair!" I quickly calmed down after realizing it was not in good form to be standing in this woman's kitchen bawling my eyes out on her shoulder. This was her son, after all. She should be the one using MY shoulder...which she did later.
The rest of the day was fairly uneventful. It's now 10pm, and we're all in our respective rooms getting ready for bed. I leave here tomorrow afternoon (hopefully with all this crappy weather). It'll be a bittersweet goodbye. I've had a wonderful time here this trip, but I probably won't be back here until the end of May to observe the 1 year anniversary. Hard to believe that's just 5 months away. It's quite amazing how fast time goes by. Quite sad, too.
Until next time --
Stuart
Here's the picture of Jason's artwork:
It was Christmas Day like none of us ever wanted to spend. Together...without Jason. We all woke up with a timid feeling about the day. Its tradition for the Harmons to break open the stockings first thing, and then enjoy eggs benedict for breakfast, followed by a hurried opening of the rest of the presents. So we did everything according to plan.
In my stocking - which was Jason's stocking, by the way - were two frogs (Jane knows the significance...since the medium talked about frogs), and a couple other various things. I should also note that as we were opening our stockings, there was music in the background. And lo and behold, what should come on? FELIZ NAVIDAD. I announced to the others that Jason was most definitely here with us.
Breakfast was delicious, and then it was time for presents. I had already given mine. I paid for the framing of the Team Jason shirt autographed by the Ugly Betty staff. I also created a photo book of Team Jason at the Light The Night Walk. In return, I received two very sentimental things. One of them was a beautiful figurine called "Heart of Gold". It's a little boy holding a heart of gold close to his chest. The saying attached to it says "You will always have my heart." I, of course, burst into tears after I was told that this was from Jason. Of course, it wasn't REALLY from Jason, but that didn't matter. It was from him. The second present that sent me into a tizzy is probably the most thoughtful gift I've ever received. It's a beautiful drawing/painting of a ship that Jason did himself back in 1980 - the year I was born. He would've been 10 or 11 at the time. At the bottom, it even says "Jason '80". I'll attach a picture below.
Holding this piece of art, this thing that he created with his own two hands was just the icing on the cake. And what's funny - I received a message the day before from my widow-friend Casey who had received a piece of art from her dead husband's family that he had drawn in grade school. I think it's incredible that we both received these gifts. And what's even weirder...is that in my session with the medium, she brought up receiving art, seeing art, and having art. I wonder if that's what all of this meant now. Something to ponder, I suppose.
Anyway, after the last presents were opened, we relaxed and cleaned up a bit. Ron and I decided to venture over to the cemetery to see Jason. Jane stayed behind. She couldn't handle it. Ron and I stood there at his grave and both of us were overcome with emotion. On this holiday he loved so much, it felt incredibly sad that he was not there with us in the flesh. After a short time, we retreated to the car and sat there for a moment trying to regain our composures. However, not 1 minute after arriving back at the house, I was sobbing in the arms of Jason's mother screaming "It's just not fair!" I quickly calmed down after realizing it was not in good form to be standing in this woman's kitchen bawling my eyes out on her shoulder. This was her son, after all. She should be the one using MY shoulder...which she did later.
The rest of the day was fairly uneventful. It's now 10pm, and we're all in our respective rooms getting ready for bed. I leave here tomorrow afternoon (hopefully with all this crappy weather). It'll be a bittersweet goodbye. I've had a wonderful time here this trip, but I probably won't be back here until the end of May to observe the 1 year anniversary. Hard to believe that's just 5 months away. It's quite amazing how fast time goes by. Quite sad, too.
Until next time --
Stuart
Here's the picture of Jason's artwork:
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Merry Christmas, My Love
It's 11pm on the east coast...in one hour, it'll be Christmas. It was one of Jason's favorite holidays...if not THE favorite.
Being here in his childhood home...without him...it's really hitting home for me. Tonight, his parents hosted their annual Christmas Eve Neighborhood Block Party...an event Jason always looked forward to. Our first year together, I remember watching and hearing how excited he got as Christmas drew closer. He looked forward to coming home so he could plan out a menu, cook, and then entertain all his old childhood friends and neighbors. He loved it, and came home afterwards with a renewed sense of himself.
Tonight, I was here in his place. Physically, anyway. It was very much evident that Jason was here with us tonight. Nothing happened particularly to clue us in, but it was evident in the stories people told about him...stories of Christmases past...stories of shenanigans and other misdeeds. We laughed, a few of us cried a little. I almost felt like I was sitting back watching a movie play out before my eyes... as if Jason was still here. I pictured him moving around the room serving drinks, food, and making small talk with people he only sees once a year. I pictured him coming over and sitting next to me on the couch...putting his arm around me, or putting his hand on my leg. He'd whisper things into my ear...little naughty tidbits about the people in the room, and we'd share a laugh together and steal away a kiss while no one was paying attention.
But instead, I sat alone in a room full of people I barely knew. But, it was comforting in a strange way...I had Jason's past sitting right before me. These people watched him grow from a baby into the man I fell in love with. That's why I felt like he was here with us tonight. The major points of his life were represented in that room, and it was a beautiful thing.
So, as Christmas day draws closer by the minute, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas. Hug your loved ones a little tighter, and hold on a little longer. You never know what can happen in the year to come. Don't take your life for granted. That's something I've learned from Jason.
Merry Christmas, my love. I hope your present to me is a visit tonight in my dreams. I'd love to see you, hug you, hold you, and kiss you again. I couldn't think of a better gift.
Until next time--
Stuart
P.S. - I'd like to wish Charissa & Casey a Merry Christmas, as well. You both have been amazing to me these last seven months. You've been my counsel, my confidants through this whole ordeal. I think we were each brought into each others lives for a purpose...to help each other through this. Charissa, I thank G-d that Kairol posted that article of yours that day. It's what brought you into my life. And Casey, I'm so lucky to have met you. I'm so glad that I've been able to help you through this most horrible time. I'm glad I've been able to offer you some guidance, even though I really have no clue what I'm doing myself. The three of us are on this journey together. And while we're each in different spots, we all have one thing in common...we all loved our significant others so much...and we all continue to miss them so much every single day.
Being here in his childhood home...without him...it's really hitting home for me. Tonight, his parents hosted their annual Christmas Eve Neighborhood Block Party...an event Jason always looked forward to. Our first year together, I remember watching and hearing how excited he got as Christmas drew closer. He looked forward to coming home so he could plan out a menu, cook, and then entertain all his old childhood friends and neighbors. He loved it, and came home afterwards with a renewed sense of himself.
Tonight, I was here in his place. Physically, anyway. It was very much evident that Jason was here with us tonight. Nothing happened particularly to clue us in, but it was evident in the stories people told about him...stories of Christmases past...stories of shenanigans and other misdeeds. We laughed, a few of us cried a little. I almost felt like I was sitting back watching a movie play out before my eyes... as if Jason was still here. I pictured him moving around the room serving drinks, food, and making small talk with people he only sees once a year. I pictured him coming over and sitting next to me on the couch...putting his arm around me, or putting his hand on my leg. He'd whisper things into my ear...little naughty tidbits about the people in the room, and we'd share a laugh together and steal away a kiss while no one was paying attention.
But instead, I sat alone in a room full of people I barely knew. But, it was comforting in a strange way...I had Jason's past sitting right before me. These people watched him grow from a baby into the man I fell in love with. That's why I felt like he was here with us tonight. The major points of his life were represented in that room, and it was a beautiful thing.
So, as Christmas day draws closer by the minute, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas. Hug your loved ones a little tighter, and hold on a little longer. You never know what can happen in the year to come. Don't take your life for granted. That's something I've learned from Jason.
Merry Christmas, my love. I hope your present to me is a visit tonight in my dreams. I'd love to see you, hug you, hold you, and kiss you again. I couldn't think of a better gift.
Until next time--
Stuart
P.S. - I'd like to wish Charissa & Casey a Merry Christmas, as well. You both have been amazing to me these last seven months. You've been my counsel, my confidants through this whole ordeal. I think we were each brought into each others lives for a purpose...to help each other through this. Charissa, I thank G-d that Kairol posted that article of yours that day. It's what brought you into my life. And Casey, I'm so lucky to have met you. I'm so glad that I've been able to help you through this most horrible time. I'm glad I've been able to offer you some guidance, even though I really have no clue what I'm doing myself. The three of us are on this journey together. And while we're each in different spots, we all have one thing in common...we all loved our significant others so much...and we all continue to miss them so much every single day.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
He's Here With Me
Jason is here with me. I know he is. I felt him here, and it made me laugh.
We spent most of today running errands and doing some shopping. But, there was an hour in the middle of all of that when I stole the car and went to the cemetery alone. I trudged my way through the 7'' of snow that's still on the ground to get to Jason's graveside. I stood there in silence for a few minutes until a breeze began to blow across my face.
That's when I started to cry. That breeze almost felt like the breath of someone standing next to me, and for a split second, I looked to see if anyone was there. There was no one. I spoke to Jason and told him how much I miss him. Not a day goes by...no. Not an hour goes by that I don't think of him, miss him, long for him, and love him. He's been gone for nearly seven months yet the love I felt for him the day he died hasn't gone away. It never will. If anything, I'd say it's gotten stronger.
Some might say that's not a good thing. Some might say that the more time that passes from a loved one's death, love shouldn't grow stronger. Sure, it will never go away... but growth might lead one to believe that I'm far from getting over him. So what if I am? Who's right is it to say? No one.
I stood there talking to him for what seemed like an hour. I walked around to the back side of the stone where his name is engraved. I touched it with my hand. I could feel the cold granite through my glove, and it made me cry. I spoke about this in a previous blog when I was here and the stone was just put up. There's something about seeing his name etched into that stone that just kills me. It's so hard to see. It's so hard to look at. Every time I look at it, I have this war in my head...because one half of my mind doesn't believe it and the other half is screaming for the other half to accept it. It still just doesn't seem real.
After about 30 minutes, I couldn't feel my face anymore (It didn't get above 25 today), so I started to leave. I stood in front of his grave one more time and pleaded with him to show me a sign that he's with me on this trip. I told him I needed to know that he's with us...that he's celebrating Christmas with his family. Sobbing by now, I finally turned to leave. I got in the car, switched it on, and I got my sign. As soon as I turned the car on, the song that had been playing on the radio finished and Feliz Navidad came on (Read my previous post about this song).
I heard the first three notes of the song and I immediately began to laugh. I knew that was him. I knew he was saying "Ok, here's your stupid sign." I sat there in the car parked in the cemetery directly in front of his grave and laughed, sang along, and danced in my seat. I knew he was sitting right next to me in that car. The song ended, but I didn't leave. I sat there for another 15 minutes texting some friends a picture I took of his grave (picture below). I said a few more things to him, and then I drove off. No more tears. He's here.
Until next time--
Stuart
He looks festive, doesn't he?
We spent most of today running errands and doing some shopping. But, there was an hour in the middle of all of that when I stole the car and went to the cemetery alone. I trudged my way through the 7'' of snow that's still on the ground to get to Jason's graveside. I stood there in silence for a few minutes until a breeze began to blow across my face.
That's when I started to cry. That breeze almost felt like the breath of someone standing next to me, and for a split second, I looked to see if anyone was there. There was no one. I spoke to Jason and told him how much I miss him. Not a day goes by...no. Not an hour goes by that I don't think of him, miss him, long for him, and love him. He's been gone for nearly seven months yet the love I felt for him the day he died hasn't gone away. It never will. If anything, I'd say it's gotten stronger.
Some might say that's not a good thing. Some might say that the more time that passes from a loved one's death, love shouldn't grow stronger. Sure, it will never go away... but growth might lead one to believe that I'm far from getting over him. So what if I am? Who's right is it to say? No one.
I stood there talking to him for what seemed like an hour. I walked around to the back side of the stone where his name is engraved. I touched it with my hand. I could feel the cold granite through my glove, and it made me cry. I spoke about this in a previous blog when I was here and the stone was just put up. There's something about seeing his name etched into that stone that just kills me. It's so hard to see. It's so hard to look at. Every time I look at it, I have this war in my head...because one half of my mind doesn't believe it and the other half is screaming for the other half to accept it. It still just doesn't seem real.
After about 30 minutes, I couldn't feel my face anymore (It didn't get above 25 today), so I started to leave. I stood in front of his grave one more time and pleaded with him to show me a sign that he's with me on this trip. I told him I needed to know that he's with us...that he's celebrating Christmas with his family. Sobbing by now, I finally turned to leave. I got in the car, switched it on, and I got my sign. As soon as I turned the car on, the song that had been playing on the radio finished and Feliz Navidad came on (Read my previous post about this song).
I heard the first three notes of the song and I immediately began to laugh. I knew that was him. I knew he was saying "Ok, here's your stupid sign." I sat there in the car parked in the cemetery directly in front of his grave and laughed, sang along, and danced in my seat. I knew he was sitting right next to me in that car. The song ended, but I didn't leave. I sat there for another 15 minutes texting some friends a picture I took of his grave (picture below). I said a few more things to him, and then I drove off. No more tears. He's here.
Until next time--
Stuart
He looks festive, doesn't he?
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Back in Bean Town
Hello from Boston. I'm finally over the excitement of my "mile high blog" from earlier. It's the small things in life that bring the most pleasure. LOL :)
Anyway, it was pretty much down to business after I landed. I met up with Jason's dad, Ron, and headed for Hudson. We had a pretty good chat on the drive in. We talked about his work, my work, Jason...and we talked about my psychic/medium reading from a couple weeks ago. Jane (Jason's mom) had filled him in on just a few points about it, so I gave a few more details. I'm not sure he was entirely sold on it, but I'm vowing to continue working on him. I think Jane really wants to do it, but won't without Ron.
So, after lunch, Ron and I drove to the cemetery to see Jason. There's a beautiful blanket...or really a down comforter of snow on the ground. There's about 8-10'' still covering parts of the area...including the cemetery. So, we didn't get out of the car...as neither of us were wearing the correct footwear to go traipsing through 8'' of snow to get to the grave. But, I was able to say hi and blow him a kiss before we drove away.
Once at the house, our work began. We were charged with beginning the cleaning process and getting the house decorated for the upcoming Christmas Eve Neighborhood Bash they host every year. Apparently everyone (including myself) protested that they were still planning to do it this year, but they didn't listen to anyone. I'm starting to have a change of heart, though, and believe it might actually be a good idea. We each had a few moments today while decorating the tree...something Jason loved to do (at his home...not his parents...they drove each other mad doing this stuff). But, I think these moments NEED to happen in order for everyone to grasp the situation and deal with it.
So for the next day and a half, it will be party central around here. Jason was usually home in time to do all of the cooking because he was quite the amazing chef. So, this year, they've hired a caterer to do the job. We'll be out getting the food, some more presents, and other odds and ends that will be needed (like booze...and lots of it). I'm REALLY glad I'm here for them during this time. I think this is going to help me a lot more than I thought it would...seeing them dealing with their grief head-on and what-not. I think this is all a good step.
Until next time--
Stuart
Anyway, it was pretty much down to business after I landed. I met up with Jason's dad, Ron, and headed for Hudson. We had a pretty good chat on the drive in. We talked about his work, my work, Jason...and we talked about my psychic/medium reading from a couple weeks ago. Jane (Jason's mom) had filled him in on just a few points about it, so I gave a few more details. I'm not sure he was entirely sold on it, but I'm vowing to continue working on him. I think Jane really wants to do it, but won't without Ron.
So, after lunch, Ron and I drove to the cemetery to see Jason. There's a beautiful blanket...or really a down comforter of snow on the ground. There's about 8-10'' still covering parts of the area...including the cemetery. So, we didn't get out of the car...as neither of us were wearing the correct footwear to go traipsing through 8'' of snow to get to the grave. But, I was able to say hi and blow him a kiss before we drove away.
Once at the house, our work began. We were charged with beginning the cleaning process and getting the house decorated for the upcoming Christmas Eve Neighborhood Bash they host every year. Apparently everyone (including myself) protested that they were still planning to do it this year, but they didn't listen to anyone. I'm starting to have a change of heart, though, and believe it might actually be a good idea. We each had a few moments today while decorating the tree...something Jason loved to do (at his home...not his parents...they drove each other mad doing this stuff). But, I think these moments NEED to happen in order for everyone to grasp the situation and deal with it.
So for the next day and a half, it will be party central around here. Jason was usually home in time to do all of the cooking because he was quite the amazing chef. So, this year, they've hired a caterer to do the job. We'll be out getting the food, some more presents, and other odds and ends that will be needed (like booze...and lots of it). I'm REALLY glad I'm here for them during this time. I think this is going to help me a lot more than I thought it would...seeing them dealing with their grief head-on and what-not. I think this is all a good step.
Until next time--
Stuart
Flying High
Its a first for me. I'm blogging from 33,000 feet! In flight wi-fi is the greatest thing!
When I sat down on the plane, I was immediately transported back to April...Easter weekend when Jason and I were taking this very flight heading to Boston. Little did we know it would be his last trip alive.
I sat here remembering every detail I could about him that day. I loved to fly with Jason because he got so excited about it. He was like a little kid. He loved fliying so much, and the excitement was intoxicating. Thinking about it this morning made me smile. I picture him sitting next to me in the window seat glaring out the window trying to figure out what runway we were going to use.
I'm also reminded that as I sit on this plane, someone in Dallas is preparing paperwork for today's closing on Jason's house. Its a bittersweet day. I don't want to see it go, but I do because now I think I can truly begin to slowly let go. The last piece of the puzzle has been put into place, and I can now begin to look at the whole picture.
So, I will say ciao for now...from 33,000 feet above the U.S. So cool! See you in Boston!
Until next time--
Stuart
When I sat down on the plane, I was immediately transported back to April...Easter weekend when Jason and I were taking this very flight heading to Boston. Little did we know it would be his last trip alive.
I sat here remembering every detail I could about him that day. I loved to fly with Jason because he got so excited about it. He was like a little kid. He loved fliying so much, and the excitement was intoxicating. Thinking about it this morning made me smile. I picture him sitting next to me in the window seat glaring out the window trying to figure out what runway we were going to use.
I'm also reminded that as I sit on this plane, someone in Dallas is preparing paperwork for today's closing on Jason's house. Its a bittersweet day. I don't want to see it go, but I do because now I think I can truly begin to slowly let go. The last piece of the puzzle has been put into place, and I can now begin to look at the whole picture.
So, I will say ciao for now...from 33,000 feet above the U.S. So cool! See you in Boston!
Until next time--
Stuart
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