I've been to one funeral since Jason's. It was for my brother's friends who died. But, somehow this funeral today feels different. It's still hours away, and already I'm on the verge of tears.
Leah embodied hope & fight to me in the months after Jason died. She was my beacon...the one person who I thought would kick the shit out of cancer. I was so beat down after what happened, that I hung onto every positive update I got from her. And then, just like Jason's case, things took a turn and never recovered.
It's just not fair. My colleague/friend Meridith - who also knew Leah - will be attending the funeral with me today. This is her second cancer related funeral in a month! Her best friend's husband recently died after battling his cancer for almost 10 years. It's just unreal.
At work, I've been given an incredible opportunity to help give a voice and put a face on cancer in North Texas. As you probably know, the big 3 networks are joining forces again this year for "Stand Up To Cancer". It'll be a live simulcasted event across the networks on September 10th. Last month, I put together a proposal for a localized Stand Up To Cancer special, and it was approved! I've already got more than a dozen stories lined up to start shooting over the next few weeks.
But, as I sit here in my suit...the very same suit I wore for Jason's funeral...I have pause about this wonderful special I'm going to be putting together. I know myself enough to know that I will become attached to the patients & families I profile. Am I setting myself up for more emotional cutting in the future if something happens to one of them? Probably so. Can I handle more of this? I'm not sure I can answer that today.
Either way, I will not let anything - grief, or otherwise - stand in my way of doing this special. It means the world to me to do it, and I will give it 110%. After it's done, though, I'm thinking I need to hang up my "cancer hat" for a little while and emotionally take a break. I'm finally understanding why my therapist was so concerned about me wanting to change careers and work in a cancer-related field. My wound is still so raw, and it's only pouring salt on it.
At least, that's how I feel today...but, maybe tomorrow will be a different story.
Until next time --
Stuart
Friday, July 30, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Another Devastating Loss
Wow. It's been more than a month since my last blog. I guess that means I a) didn't have the time to blog, or b) didn't have anything interesting to say. That's changed.
Today, the world lost another incredible person to cancer. Leah Siegel battled stage four breast cancer for less than two years. She died this morning at 4:30am.
I was first introduced to Leah through a story we were doing here at my TV station. Leah's story crossed our desk after she was diagnosed. They found her cancer just days after she gave birth to her third child. Our first story followed her through some of her treatment, and how she dealt with cancer while still being a full-time mom & wife. She truly was an inspiration to everyone fighting the disease. Her outlook was incredible. Here's the first story: http://cbs11tv.com/health/leah.siegel.cancer.2.960814.html
I remember laying on Jason's couch, wrapped in his arms, while we both watched that story. It aired exactly one week before we found out that Jason's cancer had exploded all over his body. Yet, at the time, we suspected something was going on. Her story hit such a core with both of us. I wrote to Leah the next day and introduced myself and told her our story. She was such a sweetheart and emailed me back right away. We began talking through email keeping up on each other's progress. After Jason died, she was so supportive, and even donated money to Team Jason - all while trying to keep herself afloat while paying for her own treatments.
We did a second story on Leah in November last year. She had just started a new clinical trial and things were starting to look up. For the first time in a while, Leah had hope that she was going to live for several more years. This story aired 8 months ago - http://cbs11tv.com/health/Leah.Siegel.breast.2.1302121.html.
I felt like I had become friends with Leah. We had met for meals, I visited her in the hospital, etc. She was a wonderful, wondeful person...and I loved spending time with her.
Leah was admitted to the hospital again a couple weeks ago, and things were not looking good. By last week, things had gone from bad to worse, and it was obvious to everyone - including Leah - that the end was near. In fact, that's what she said on her Facebook post. How very "21st century" announcing your imminent death online. Here's part of her post: "Elvis might be leaving the building. We are probably down to just days or weeks.So now it's time to leave my Facebook friends." That was her last post dated July 18th.
This morning, we received word that Leah had passed. And, once again, I was transported back to that dimly lit living room on Dunhaven, holding Jason's hand...hearing the hospice nurse say "He's gone." The other producer who worked on Leah's story contacted me, and we decided she deserved one more story. So here's the tribute piece we aired today at 5pm. As you can see, our anchor Karen was touched by Leah as well...http://cbs11tv.com/video/?id=56287@ktvt.dayport.com.
After her post on Facebook, I sent her a note and said "Hey, when you get up there...please find Jason and give him a big hug for me and tell him I love him." She replied "Is he allowed to associate with Jews up there?" Her sense of humor was intact all the way to the end. LOL
Leah Siegel, you will forever be loved. You will forever be remembered, and you will forever be missed.
Until next time --
Stuart
Today, the world lost another incredible person to cancer. Leah Siegel battled stage four breast cancer for less than two years. She died this morning at 4:30am.
I was first introduced to Leah through a story we were doing here at my TV station. Leah's story crossed our desk after she was diagnosed. They found her cancer just days after she gave birth to her third child. Our first story followed her through some of her treatment, and how she dealt with cancer while still being a full-time mom & wife. She truly was an inspiration to everyone fighting the disease. Her outlook was incredible. Here's the first story: http://cbs11tv.com/health/leah.siegel.cancer.2.960814.html
I remember laying on Jason's couch, wrapped in his arms, while we both watched that story. It aired exactly one week before we found out that Jason's cancer had exploded all over his body. Yet, at the time, we suspected something was going on. Her story hit such a core with both of us. I wrote to Leah the next day and introduced myself and told her our story. She was such a sweetheart and emailed me back right away. We began talking through email keeping up on each other's progress. After Jason died, she was so supportive, and even donated money to Team Jason - all while trying to keep herself afloat while paying for her own treatments.
We did a second story on Leah in November last year. She had just started a new clinical trial and things were starting to look up. For the first time in a while, Leah had hope that she was going to live for several more years. This story aired 8 months ago - http://cbs11tv.com/health/Leah.Siegel.breast.2.1302121.html.
I felt like I had become friends with Leah. We had met for meals, I visited her in the hospital, etc. She was a wonderful, wondeful person...and I loved spending time with her.
Leah was admitted to the hospital again a couple weeks ago, and things were not looking good. By last week, things had gone from bad to worse, and it was obvious to everyone - including Leah - that the end was near. In fact, that's what she said on her Facebook post. How very "21st century" announcing your imminent death online. Here's part of her post: "Elvis might be leaving the building. We are probably down to just days or weeks.So now it's time to leave my Facebook friends." That was her last post dated July 18th.
This morning, we received word that Leah had passed. And, once again, I was transported back to that dimly lit living room on Dunhaven, holding Jason's hand...hearing the hospice nurse say "He's gone." The other producer who worked on Leah's story contacted me, and we decided she deserved one more story. So here's the tribute piece we aired today at 5pm. As you can see, our anchor Karen was touched by Leah as well...http://cbs11tv.com/video/?id=56287@ktvt.dayport.com.
After her post on Facebook, I sent her a note and said "Hey, when you get up there...please find Jason and give him a big hug for me and tell him I love him." She replied "Is he allowed to associate with Jews up there?" Her sense of humor was intact all the way to the end. LOL
Leah Siegel, you will forever be loved. You will forever be remembered, and you will forever be missed.
Until next time --
Stuart
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