Moving On...I think

So, it's been a few weeks since my last post...since my return from Boston...since the year anniversary.  It's amazing to me how much things have changed for me in such a short amount of time.  What a difference a year makes.

Since my last post, I really feel like I've let myself move on.  This past weekend, I went on two dates...with two different guys.  And, I tell you what... it felt GREAT to be back out there.  It felt good to be in the company of another man, to have that anticipation in the pit of my stomach, and to have that playful interaction that only comes with dating.  I forgot how much I missed all of that.

A funny (funny weird, not funny haha) thing happened last weekend.  I knew it was coming, I remembered it...of course...but on the actual day, it was completely gone from my mind.  There was one more first...an anniversary of sorts.  Last Sunday, June 13th, was the year anniversary of the day we buried Jason's ashes.  I expected that I would remember that day and do something special to commemorate the day.  But, I woke up without a thought and went through my day without a thought.  I never once looked at the date otherwise I think it would've triggered.  It wasn't until the next day that it hit me.

At first, I felt guilty that I had "forgotten" so quickly.  I felt bad that I didn't do something that day to remember him.  But, then, the more I thought about it...the more I forgave myself and realized that this is a good thing.  I didn't need to remember that day.  That was an awful day, and why would I want to commemorate that day a year later?  There was no reason to mark the day, and subconciously I guess I knew that.  My guilt melted away, and I accepted the fact that it was just part of moving on.

I've felt good the last few weeks.  I've felt good about myself.  I've felt good about my life and the direction its going.  I feel that good things are ahead of me, and I'm looking forward to them.  That's not to say that I haven't looked back...because I have.  I've thought about Jason almost every day since I got back from Boston.  I'm still working on Team Jason and reaching our $25,000 goal.  I feel like, for the first time since he died, that I'm finally finding a balance between keeping him in my heart and beginning to live my life again.  It feels good.  And, I think Jason would be proud.

Until next time--
Stuart