September 18, 1969...the most beautiful man I've ever met was born. September 18, 2009...the most beautiful man I've ever met was supposed to turn 40 years old. May 28, 2009...the most beautiful man I've ever met was stolen from my life.
I've been dreading this day for weeks...knowing full well that I'd lose it. Jason's friends and I had already begun planning a celebration for his 40th birthday before things took a turn for the worse. We decided in the days after his death to continue with a few of those plans. Tonight, we'll be meeting for a quiet dinner at a friends house to reflect, remember, reminisce, and REALLY cry. Saturday, it's a night out on the town - the way Jason would've wanted to celebrate.
It's almost been 4 months since the love of my life took his last breath. I can still hear the sound. I can still feel his clammy hand in mine. I can still picture him laying there, eyes closed, as he gasped for one last time...and let go. It's like it was yesterday. The pain, the loneliness is still so incredibly strong. I don't feel it all day everyday like I did in the beginning. But, when I open myself up just enough to let some of it in, it's like a flood and I can hardly contain it.
This weekend is more than Jason's birthday. It also would've been our 2 year anniversary. 2 years! How is it possible that 2 short years seems like a lifetime? It just doesn't make sense.
Jason, where ever you are, I hope you will be celebrating with us - as we honor you, honor your birthday, and celebrate your life. I love you so incredibly much, and I miss you more with every second that passes.
Happy Birthday, my love. You're 40 years old now, and you're BEAUTIFUL!
Until next time --
Stuart
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