Different Year, Same Feelings

This time last year, I was dreading September.  This month brought with it Jason's 40th birthday, our anniversary, and the first-ever Remembrance Ceremony for the North Texas Leukemia & Lymphoma Society that I was asked to speak at.  There were a lot of reminders of Jason, and a lot of reminders that he was gone.

A year later, little has changed for the month of September.  His 41st birthday is this Saturday, and the following week would've been our third anniversary.  It's also the 2nd annual Remembrance Ceremony, though this year I won't be speaking.  So much has changed, yet so much - more than I thought - hasn't.

This was a big week for me.  My big Stand Up To Cancer special debuted on Saturday to rave reviews.  I've received incredible feedback from everyone involved.  The best reaction so far has been from my boss, though.  On Friday, I called her into the edit bay to watch a rough cut of the entire special.  She hadn't seen any of the stories yet, and I wanted her eyes on it before we put the finishing touches on everything.  By the end of it, both of us were in tears.  I was crying because I was so incredibly proud of how it all came together.  She was in tears because she was moved by so many of the stories we had put together.  It was a great moment for me in my life & my career.  And at that moment, I also cried because the one person I wanted to share it with wasn't there. 

That hurt like hell.  I haven't hurt in a long time from all of this, but damn it that hurt.  I wanted to pick up the phone and call him and tell him how great it had turned out.  I wanted to sit, wrapped in his arms, while watcing my masterpiece on TV yesterday.  That is the only thing that could've made this whole experience any better.

And now, I'm looking ahead to Saturday which would've been Jason's 41st birthday.  We don't have much planned - not like we did last year.  But, I'm sure a few of us will get together and toast him.  It's hard to for me to believe that it's only been three years since Jason and I first met face to face.  It was the weekend of his birthday, and it was love at first sight. 

So, once again... a year later... I'm wishing September would disappear.  This month only brings with it sadness, and memories of a life that's been changed forever.

By the way - if you'd like to watch my special, just click the name: CBS11 Special Report: North Texans Stand Up To Cancer.

Until next time --
Stuart