What's Next?

For the last few months...well, really since Jason died in late May, there has been distraction after distraction to keep my mind going.  That's not to say that I've been in denial about Jason's death...or that I haven't been dealing with it.  But, I've had other things, positive things, to keep me going and to help keep my chin up.

However, all of that will culminate in next Sunday's Light the Night Walk for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society in Dallas.  The day after Jason's burial in Boston I created TEAM JASON for the Dallas walk, and in four months time we became the #1 fundraising team.  Just this morning we crossed a major threshold...$9,000! I've worked my ass off over the last four months to raise money and ensure TEAM JASON's success.

But, come Sunday, it's all going to be over.  And then what?  I was really dreading the month of September because of all the reminders of Jason's absence.  But, looking back...I wonder if I was really dreading it...or welcoming it because each event was just one more way...one more reason to feel close to Jason again.  His mother asked me today what I'm going to do with myself after Sunday.  I didn't have an answer for her...and still don't.  I don't know what I'm going to do...I don't know how I'm going to continue to keep Jason's memory alive in me...and alive in others.

I've been kicking around the idea of creating and launching the TEAM JASON website for both the Light the Night Walk and for the Lone Star Ride.  But, lately, I'm thinking that's not enough.  First of all, those two events are so close together so I'm afraid that people will get confused and it will actually bring in fewer donations.  However, I do feel strongly that merging these two teams could be good.  I just need to give this project more thought...but it will happen.  I will do this.  I need to...for me...and for Jason.  I will not let his life...his death be for nothing.

If anything, I'd like to use part of the site for reaching out to other widows of cancer.  If you read my last blog, you'll understand why.  More needs to be done to reach out to those of us who have been left behind...whose love has been stolen by this disease.  We cannot be forgotten.  Our fight should not be lost.

So, I'm open for suggestions about the new upcoming site.  And here's to hoping that I don't lose my mind in a week after the walk is over.  I'm really nervous now about how I'm going to feel, what I'm going to think.  Will it all hit me at once, or will it be a gradual ambush?  I guess only time will tell.

Until next time...
Stuart