Back On The Market

I said it in my last post:  2010 is going to be a year of changes for me.  It's going to be a year of picking myself up off the floor, packing away my grief, and moving on.  I'm sure some of my friends are already getting tired of me and my new "moving on" mantra, but it's true.  I'm making a very conscious effort - like Jason wanted me to - to deal with my grief and pack it away.  No, not bury it.  Burying it implies that I never dealt with it in the first place.  I am dealing with it.  I have been dealing with it.  I'm not burying it, I'm merely putting it away.  I'll still be able to feel it.  I'll still know it's there.  It just won't fill my entire being like it has these past 8 months.

I took a giganticly huge step in moving on this week.  I put myself back out there...back out on the market.  It's time.  I've greatly missed interacting with another man - on the intimate level.  I've missed the excitement, the butterflies of being near someone who I'm attracted to.  I've missed the companionship, and frankly...sorry to be so blunt, but damn it, I need to get LAID!  LOL  I am a man, after all.  I have needs.  Isn't that what they say?

So, there's this guy.  Isn't it fun to start conversations off with that sentence.  There's always so much hope and wonder in that one statement.  So yeah, there's this guy... Patrick.  He and I met online several months ago and have been chatting off and on since then.  It was never anything too big until the last couple weeks.  Maybe it was my new "moving on" mantra that sparked me to talk more.  I don't know.  Whatever it was, we started chatting more and more, and then we exchanged phone numbers and took the chatting to a more immediate level.  A week later, we decided it was time to meet.  We set a date for this past Friday with the intention of having dinner, but he got a little scared and ditched me.  I was pretty angry that night, disappointed more than anything.  I had psyched myself up so much to be able to do this, and then...nothing.

I ended up having dinner with a friend and going to the movies, so it turned into a pretty great night.  I finally heard back from Patrick after midnight.  We chatted for a bit and decided to give it one more go on Monday night.  However, Sunday night (tonight), I texted to see if he'd be interested in meeting me for coffee, to which he said yes.  So, we met, and he was delightful!  I had a really good time.  We talked, got to know each other... I was wearing my Team Jason hat, and he asked what Team Jason was.  I gave him the 2 sentence short version: Jason was my partner who passed away from cancer 8 months ago, and we raised money in his memory for the Light the Night walk.  Period.  I didn't go into it further, and he didn't ask anything else...and I'm fine with that for now.  It's not really first date material anyway.

But the point of this whole story is... I'M DATING AGAIN!  And you know, it felt good to be out there with him tonight.  Before you judge me and question my love for Jason (as I'm sure a few of you will), let me say this.  I'm no where near ready for a full-on relationship.  I AM ready to date, though.  I'm ready to feel that attraction again.  I'm ready for that companionship.  I'm ready for the fun, excitement, and drama dating brings to life.  I now believe that I can have all of those things without a full-on boyfriend/boyfriend relationship.  Well, at least it's worth a try.  We'll see what happens.

Until next time --
Stuart