The Fourth of July

I sat at my brother's house tonight to watch the neighbors shoot off fireworks in the street. Its the annual "White Trash Fourth", but this year wasn't the same.

Last year, Jason was a month into his first chemo treatment and had had a bad reaction to some of the new meds he was on. He had a horrible rash that covered his entire body. It was there for about 2 months straight. He was very self conscious about it and didn't like being seen in public. I was able to convince him to come to the 4th celebration at my brother's, though. He said later it was good to get out of the house. Despite his being upset at the way he looked, it was still special to spend the holiday with him. We ate, laughed, watched the fireworks go off over our heads. It was a nice evening.

I was looking forward to partying it up this year. But...it just doesn't feel like the 4th. After getting there, I realized I didn't feel much like celebrating. Instead, I just wanted to come home and get on the couch and vegg. I had two drinks and decided I was done.

I suspect the next few holidays will feel like this. I'd rather just get them over with, so I can start to feel like celebrating again. I just don't feel like I have anything to celebrate today. It's our country's birthday. Woo - freakin' - whoo. I'd rather have the man I love standing next to me.

Until next time...
Stuart