Last night, my mother told me she felt like she had to walk on eggshells around me. She said that I've been distant...cold...and rude. She said she just wants to know that I'm ok...to which I replied "I'm not ok, and I'm being distant because I'm trying figure out and rediscover myself...who I am without Jason." I told her that I may seem cold and rude simply because she asks too many damn fucking questions and I don't feel like answering them.
I wonder now, though, if others feel like they're having to walk on eggshells when they're around me or talking to me. I sincerely hope not. If that's the case then I need a serious readjustment. But, if people won't say anything to me...or are afraid to...how can I change?
I told my mom that she's just going to have to be patient with me. I said its not everyday you lose someone who you shared a bed with...who you cared for over the course of a year. Once again, I found myself having to justify my feelings...my grief....and I don't like having to do that time and time again. I'll withdraw from everyone if I have to to get some fucking peace and quiet! What part of "I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE" don't people understand?
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