The Empty House

Yesterday was already a pretty rough day...being the 3 week anniversary. And of course, I had to make it harder on myself by staying at Jason's house last night. See, my apartment is in Grapevine which is a 30-40 minute drive from Dallas. When I have to work out of our Dallas office, it makes life so much easier to stay at Jason's...which is 10 minutes from the office.

Anyway - yeah, probably wasn't a good idea to do that yesterday, but I got through it. I felt like I was hit by a truck as soon as I walked in the front door. The house felt so empty. The flowers which had all been there were all gone. The picture of Jason we used at the service was gone (now in Boston). And, of course...Jason's remains are now gone. I took two steps into the house and collapsed on the floor in a ball of tears. I cried for about 20 minutes straight...something I really haven't done this whole time. I think I needed that cry.

After my 20 minute bawl session, I picked myself up off the floor and walked around the house. It just seemed so lifeless...so depressing. I flipped some lights on, turned the TV on... and laid on the couch for the rest of the night. As the night went on, I became more comfortable...the house seemed to come back to life...and I felt like Jason was still there with me. I even pulled a "Jason" and fell asleep on the couch just before the news...waking up sometime after midnight.

Once again, I found that when I'm in his house, in his bed...I sleep! I wonder if it's him trying to tell me to stay there and buy the house. If that's the case, he needs to direct me where I might find the money to do that...LOL. Either way, despite the rough patch when I first got there, all-in-all it felt good to be back in the house.

Until next time...
Stuart