It was a beautiful day - weatherwise. We couldn't have asked for a more perfect day...though a little cooler would've been nice. Those gathered were wiping tears along with sweat by the end of the service. The man leading things spoke for about 15 minutes, and then Jason's dad spoke. It was the first time he'd spoken publicly (he didn't speak at the service in Dallas), and his words spoke volumes about his pain and devastation.
After the graveside, it took a while before everyone left, and then his parents, Jerrod, and I had a private moment before we said our final goodbye. I walked up to the urn alone, got on my knees and placed my hand on the urn. I told Jason that I will love him forever, and that I will miss him forever. I said to him that I hoped he is happy with everything we've done for him over the last two weeks...and that I look forward to seeing him in my dreams. I sat up, kissed the urn and got up and walked to the car. I felt like I was standing in the background watching someone else drive away. I didn't want to leave him there. I didn't want to say goodbye.
A short drive took us back to the hotel where everyone else had gathered for the reception. Jerrod and I set up the slideshow that had been so well received in Dallas. After a while, Jane asked that I go ahead and get things started, so I did. I thanked everyone for being here to honor and remember Jason...and then I gave my speech. I'll post that in a seperate blog shortly. I barely made it through the beginning of it before I broke down. My mother, G-d love her, jumped up and stood by my side, comforting me as I worked my way down the page and onto the second. I got through it with her next to me. Jerrod spoke next - his speech that he gave in Dallas. He had a much harder time giving it this time, so like my mother, I got up and stood next to him, comforting him as he talked and cried. A couple other speakers sounded off, and I thanked everyone again for coming. An hour later, the room was empty, and that was it.
My dear friend Jenny flew in to be with me through this, and I'm so glad she did. She, Jerrod, and I sat in the hotel bar all night last night...Jerrod and I sharing our memories of the last few days of Jason's life. It was good to talk about it again. And then, as more drinks flowed, we began having a good time, laughing, poking fun at some of the interesting characters also at the bar. We ended up having a blast...and chalked it all up to Jason. We knew he designed last night for us so that we could laugh, drink, and have a good time. It's what he would've wanted.
Today, I'll be taking Jerrod to the cemetery for one last goodbye before I take him to the airport. Mom and I don't leave Boston until late tomorrow, so we'll go by the cemetery again tomorrow for our final goodbye. In the title of this blog, I say the hard part is over, or is it? That's because I think the hardest part of all of this will be leaving Boston entirely...knowing that we'll be leaving his remains behind. It'll be hard arriving back in Dallas...knowing that Jason's ashes are no longer there. He'll exist now only in my memories, and in my heart...and in the minds and hearts of everyone he touched there. That is going to be a hard pill to swallow.
I've already planned my first trip back to the Boston area. I'll be coming up here at the beginning of August to see Jane and Ron and visit the grave. I think I'll be coming up here a lot over the next year as I begin to process whats happened and come to terms with it. I'm sure there will be a lot of people who will tell me it's not a good idea to come up here all the time - that it'll keep me from moving on. To those people, I'll say what I've been saying through this mourning process... BACK OFF!
Until next time...
Stuart
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