When I sat down to write this speech, I stared at the blank page for what seemed like days. How can I put into words what someone like Jason meant to me and my life? How can I ever begin to explain the love I feel for him, and the emptiness I feel now that he’s gone?
From the moment I met Jason, I was hooked. There were so many things I fell in love with the instant I saw him. It was the way he’d look at you during conversation…I can’t tell you how many times I lost myself in his beautiful blue eyes. He was simply intoxicating. But it was his mind and his sense of humor that kept me wanting more. He could make me think, make me wonder, make me cry, and make me laugh like no one else I’d ever met. We’d spend hours – even days – debating news stories, current events, and dissecting our favorite television shows. I could talk to him for hours…and did…many nights.
I met Jason a few months after I moved back to Dallas. I wasn’t very experienced in the world of relationships, and at first Jason didn’t make things very easy. But, being the persistent person I am, he finally let his guard down and let me in. From that moment on - Jason taught me what love really means…and how true love actually feels. In our short time together, he taught me so much about myself…about life, perseverance, and about taking advantage of every opportunity. I did that with Jason…I took advantage of every opportunity to tell him how much I loved him, and how much he meant to me. The night before he died, I gave him a kiss and told him that I loved him. He opened his eyes and said I love you too. Those four words will echo in my head for the rest of my life. They were the last four words he said to me…and I can’t think of anything more perfect.
While I know Jason is physically gone from my life…I also know that spiritually, he’ll be with me in my heart forever. I have to tell you this story… Several months before he died, I had a dream about Jason – that he was cheating on me with an Acura sales –WOMAN. I woke up the next morning and told him about it…and in true Jason fashion – he never let me live it down. Every time we’d seen an Acura while driving around – he’d point at it and say “Uh oh! Look out!!! It’s an Acura!” The day after he died, every time I got on the road, there was an Acura right in front of me. It made me laugh, because I knew that was Jason sitting up there - still making fun of me. There are so many of those moments…and I hope he’ll continue to make me laugh from the other side.
Jason gave so much of himself for others...whether it was in work, dogs, or in his personal life. He was always a protector…especially when it came to his cancer. He never wanted to be seen as a “sick person.” He mustered everything he had inside him to remain strong, to continue working despite all the treatments that were thrown at him. The nurses would marvel at him. He’d come in with his laptop, sit down, stick out his arm for them to hook up his chemo…and then he’d start plugging away. He never let himself get bogged down by the treatments. When one treatment didn’t work, he’d say – “Ok, what else do you have?” He fought like I’ve never seen anyone fight before. Unfortunately, Cancer and G-d had a different plan.
Even through his pain, though, Jason always made sure others were taken care of. A month ago, Jason was hospitalized to help get his pain under control. He had been planning something for my birthday – which was at the end of that week. He was released on my birthday, and despite still being in pain – and groggy from the medicine… he insisted on continuing with the plans. It was the best birthday I’ve ever had…and I’m so lucky to have been able to spend it with him. I will cherish that day, that memory…as one of the happiest moments of my life.
He would get so uncomfortable when someone called him an inspiration…but he truly was. In the end, when things started going downhill, Jason and I had several “heart-to-hearts”. He told me he had no regrets in his life…other than the fact that he couldn’t go to Disney World again. I asked him if he was scared, and every time, he said no. His only concern was for all of us, and the pain we’d all experience after he’d gone. We talked a lot about how he wanted to go. He had a very clear picture in his mind of how he wanted it to play out, and it went exactly as he imagined. Jason was a man who usually got his way – and he did…even in the end.
At the memorial service in Dallas – it was overwhelming to see the number of people he touched throughout his time there. His parents and I received emails from all over the world – screaming accolades for the man his colleagues called a true professional. And now here, it’s evident how many more lives he touched.
It’s impossible for me to verbalize how much I will miss him. It’s been two weeks since he died, and there hasn’t been a minute, even a second that’s gone by that I haven’t thought of him. My heart aches for the love that I’ve lost, but at the same time, it continues to beat strong with the love he gave me in such a short amount of time.
Thank you, Jason. Thank you for changing me, for changing my life. Thank you for loving me, and for letting me into your heart. I love you…forever.
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