I think I even saw what might have been a tornado passing just north of my apartment complex. The chopper from my station caught it on video. Pretty cool stuff. I'm sure it'll be posted on our site - click here.
It's events like this that make me miss Jason even more than I did before. During severe weather, he and I would either watch from the window at his house, or we'd sit on the phone as it'd hit me in Grapevine and then him in Dallas. He shared my love for rain, thunder, lightning, and overall severe weather. Granted, I'm probably more obsessed with it than he was...but still fun to share that excitement. I'd like to think he was standing on that balcony with me tonight in awe of what was happening - like I was.
After the storms tonight, I spent my time doing laundry and packing for Jason's final journey home to Boston. We leave Friday afternoon. On one hand, I wish I could blink and be done with this weekend in a flash. I'm apprehensive about having that "final goodbye". I don't think I'm ready to completely let go yet...and I'm starting to feel like he's being taken from me all over again. I think this weekend might be the hardest part of this whole thing... and it's probably statements like that that are making me dread what's coming.
On the sleep front - I actually slept last night. My mind didn't race like it had other nights. But, I'm gearing up for a few more sleepless nights ahead as we get closer to Saturday. Look at me being a pessimist. LOL
Anyway, despite being nervous about Saturday...today wasn't a bad day. I heard two songs on the radio that made me sad. One was a song that I used to play for Jason, the other song's lyrics just touched me...described exactly how I've been feeling. I've probably heard that song a thousand times and never felt anything until now. Amazing how a life experience can change how music makes you feel.
More storms seem to be headed our way...lightning is increasing and radar shows another big red blog an hour outside of town. I'll most likely stay up and watch that roll through.
Until tomorrow...
Stuart
Yes, Dorothy, as you Tweeted last night, the irony of your blog post title was too funny!
ReplyDeleteIn reading your posts thus far, I am honored to be getting a better sense of Jason, and that his continued presence in your life is almost palpable. I'm sure he was there watching that storm with you last night, probably smiling, watching your excitement as it passed overhead.
There will be an infinite number of times when your mind will wander to think about something both of you enjoyed and shared -- and for a brief moment, he'll be right there with you again. For me, that would be comforting, as in some weird way, I would know that I would never be alone. The storm last night is a perfect example.
As for Friday and the trip to Boston, I truly understand the feeling that he's being taken from you all over again. This, somehow, makes it official and final. While the tangible is being removed from your daily life, Jason can never be taken from you, for he's with you every day to watch a storm, listen to a song, or smile at an inside-joke.
A suggestion: take something of his with you to Boston that you'll have with you on the return trip. Don't tell anyone what it is, don't show it to anyone, it will be a little secret between you and Jason. Something tangible from this realm to hang on to just a little longer and get through the weekend. In my experience, learning to live without someone is far more difficult than learning to live with someone.
There will come a time when simply feeling his presence beside you during a storm will be enough. Until then, "training wheels" are perfectly fine!