Tonight, Jason's friends (and now my friends) Jerrod and Rob and I got together for dinner and then went out for drinks. We decided we needed a night on the town to celebrate Jason and help us forget that at the stroke of midnight, it would officially be the 28th. We had a good time, and it was actually kinda nice being back out on the town.
On the drive home, though...it hit me. It's June 28th...it's already been a month. I just can't seem to wrap my mind around that. There was a moment today when I was standing in the bathroom at his house and I actually thought it might've been a bad dream. That moment passed quickly and I realized that this was my reality now. I've been trying to remember every single detail about the last few minutes of his life...though I'm sure it's probably not a good idea for me to replay that over and over. I have to though...I have to replay it over and over and over...otherwise I won't think it's real.
I just still can't believe he's gone. I still can't believe he's dead. I still can't believe that I stood next to him, holding his hand while he took his last breath. I still can't believe that I watched as the funeral home covered his body and carried him away from me. I still can't believe that I had to pick up an urn with his ashes and bury it in Boston. I still can't believe that the man I looked up to for the last two years...the man I respected and love with every fiber of my being is gone. I don't believe it. It just doesn't seem real.
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