I Am Not Alone

I've learned something recently.  I'm not alone.  I'm not the only young person who has lost a spouse recently.  I'm not the only person who is dealing with this unimaginable grief.  There are others out there, just like me, who get the pain.  There are others who understand the spontaneous crying fits, and the sudden day-dreams of our loves who are now lost.  I am not alone.

Tonight was a first for two reasons.  I mentioned in an earlier post about a new friend - a recent widow - who I met.  She and I hadn't actually met in person, but we'd already forged a pretty amazing bond over the loss of our spouses.  It's amazing how much of a bond two people can share over emails and text messages without ever meeting.  

It was early in October when I looked at my email box and saw something had come in on a message board for this Young Widow's Meet-Up group I joined.  I joined the group a couple months before but had never been to a meeting or anything.  Something about this email, though, made me stop in my tracks.  You could literally feel the pain in her words.  She simply said that her husband had died just three weeks before the date of this email and she was wondering if it was too early to attend a meeting.  I couldn't answer that question, but something told me I needed to reach out to this woman.  So I did.  I sent her an email introducing myself and explaining my loss.  I told her I'd be there for her if she needed to talk.  

Over the next few weeks, we emailed back and forth asking each other questions, picking each other's brains and emotions.  A couple weeks  ago, we exchanged phone numbers, but - in this age of technology - it's funny how when you get a number, the first mode of communication isn't vocal...it's still written..in text messages.  But it didn't matter.  I learned more about her - and vice versa - through those messages.  We were there for each other when we hurt, when we laughed, and when we needed to cry.  For the first time since Jason died, I finally had found someone who felt the exact same pain that I had been feelings for nearly six months.  What a relief.

Last week, after finally breaking the ice over the phone, we decided that we'd meet face-to-face at this Young Widow Meet-up in Frisco.  That happened tonight, and I tell you...I'm SO glad we went to this thing.  First and foremost, I'm so glad that I was able to meet this wonderful woman in person and get a hug from her.  It's funny, when she walked in the door, it was like I was seeing a friend I hadn't seen in a few years.  I gave her a big hug, and I immediately felt better.  It takes a special person to do that.  

The meeting was nice.  It was awkward at times, but I think that tends to happen when you merge 5 strangers together.  We each shared our stories which were all strangely similar.  We laughed, cracked jokes, and even cried a bit.  We commiserated with each other over things that I've never been able to talk about with anyone except my therapist (and more recently with my new friend).  It felt really good to know that there are others out there like us.  We are not alone.  We are all sharing the exact same feelings.  We are all grieving the same grief.  At one point, I sat back in my chair and I began to smile.  No one knew why, nor do I think anyone really noticed.  But, I smiled - if only to myself - because I was thinking "FINALLY!"  This is what I've been searching for.

Casey - I know you're going to be reading this at some point.  I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your amazing friendship, and on Thanksgiving day last week...I said a special prayer for you because I am so incredibly thankful that you sent that email back in October opening the door for me (and you) to realize that I am not alone.  You are not alone.  We are in this together.

Until next time --

Stuart