Preparing To Say Goodbye...Again.

I've learned that grief is riddled with a lot of goodbyes.  In my case, there was the initial goodbye when Jason died right before my eyes.  There was the goodbye when they took his body from the house we were to share together.  There was the goodbye when I drove away and left his ashes at the gravesite, and then another when I left Boston entirely.  There was a goodbye when his parents, friends, and I cleaned out his personal effects at his house.  There was the goodbye when I realized I had lost all of his text messages...so many "I love you"s gone.

And now, the house that we cleaned out in July...is finally getting sold.  So now, in just a few more weeks, I will be saying goodbye to that and everything inside it.  That house holds so much meaning.  It was the house he bought while he was going through his treatment.  We moved him in during his stem cell transplant.  I put up the first - and only - Christmas tree in that house because Jason was too weak to do it himself.  We painted the bathroom, living room, and dining room together just six weeks before he was gone.

When he died in that house - in the very living/dining room that we painted together - he had only lived there for 7 months.  We had created a lot of memories in his old place, but in just seven months time we had created so many amazing memories in this house.  There was so many bad things that happened there, but there were many many more good things that happened there, too.  It's going to be hard to let go of that place.  It's going to be hard to leave that key behind and say goodbye...yet again.

Somehow, I know I'll find the strength to get through moving everything out.  That kind of strength comes out of nowhere - like the strength it took to stand by helplessly and watch Jason die.  I don't know where it comes from, but I know it'll be there when I need it.

Until next time --
Stuart