Merry Christmas, My Love

It's 11pm on the east coast...in one hour, it'll be Christmas.  It was one of Jason's favorite holidays...if not THE favorite.

Being here in his childhood home...without him...it's really hitting home for me.  Tonight, his parents hosted their annual Christmas Eve Neighborhood Block Party...an event Jason always looked forward to.  Our first year together, I remember watching and hearing how excited he got as Christmas drew closer.  He looked forward to coming home so he could plan out a menu, cook, and then entertain all his old childhood friends and neighbors.  He loved it, and came home afterwards with a renewed sense of himself.

Tonight, I was here in his place.  Physically, anyway.  It was very much evident that Jason was here with us tonight.  Nothing happened particularly to clue us in, but it was evident in the stories people told about him...stories of Christmases past...stories of shenanigans and other misdeeds.  We laughed, a few of us cried a little.  I almost felt like I was sitting back watching a movie play out before my eyes... as if Jason was still here.  I pictured him moving around the room serving drinks, food, and making small talk with people he only sees once a year.  I pictured him coming over and sitting next to me on the couch...putting his arm around me, or putting his hand on my leg.  He'd whisper things into my ear...little naughty tidbits about the people in the room, and we'd share a laugh together and steal away a kiss while no one was paying attention.

But instead, I sat alone in a room full of people I barely knew.  But, it was comforting in a strange way...I had Jason's past sitting right before me.  These people watched him grow from a baby into the man I fell in love with.  That's why I felt like he was here with us tonight.  The major points of his life were represented in that room, and it was a beautiful thing.

So, as Christmas day draws closer by the minute, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas.  Hug your loved ones a little tighter, and hold on a little longer.  You never know what can happen in the year to come.  Don't take your life for granted.  That's something I've learned from Jason.

Merry Christmas, my love.  I hope your present to me is a visit tonight in my dreams.  I'd love to see you, hug you, hold you, and kiss you again.  I couldn't think of a better gift.

Until next time--
Stuart
P.S. - I'd like to wish Charissa & Casey a Merry Christmas, as well.  You both have been amazing to me these last seven months.  You've been my counsel, my confidants through this whole ordeal.  I think we were each brought into each others lives for a purpose...to help each other through this.  Charissa, I thank G-d that Kairol posted that article of yours that day.  It's what brought you into my life.  And Casey, I'm so lucky to have met you.  I'm so glad that I've been able to help you through this most horrible time.  I'm glad I've been able to offer you some guidance, even though I really have no clue what I'm doing myself.  The three of us are on this journey together.  And while we're each in different spots, we all have one thing in common...we all loved our significant others so much...and we all continue to miss them so much every single day.