It's Almost Time

We're now just two days away from the final move out of Jason's house.  I've been doing my best NOT to think about it this week, and I've done a pretty good job.  But, the closer it gets, the more it breaks into my mind and steals every thought.

At first, I keep thinking about everything that has to go.  Then I wonder if we've got everything packed up that needs to be packed up.  Then I question whether or not the Salvation Army will take everything we're expecting them to take.  And then finally, after I've run through all of the "logistical" thoughts, the emotional ones come to the forefront.  Then it's "I can't believe this is actually happening," and "It's like saying goodbye to Jason all over again."

Yesterday, I was out shooting a story and wasn't paying attention as we were driving back to the station from our shoot location.  All of a sudden, I looked up and we were driving right by Jason's street.  My heart skipped a beat, and I became very sad.  My photographer noticed the change in me, too, and asked what was up.  Needless to say, he felt terrible that he drove by that area...but I assured him it was ok.  He didn't know.  And besides, am I just supposed to avoid that area forever because it'll make me sad?  Hardly.  It's a beautiful area of town.

Talking with my new friend & fellow widow, Casey, we both wondered if sometimes the anticipation of a bad event is worse than the actual event itself.  That's why I've been doing my damndest this week to keep my emotions and my mind in check.  I don't want to psyche myself up for something that isn't going to be that bad.  But, then I think...what if it is that bad, and I didn't psyche myself up enough?  It's a horrible catch-22, and once again, I wish there was someone who I could turn to for an answer, but there's no one.

I guess we'll see what happens.  The first round of movers will be at the house on Friday morning to remove the things that are going to Jason's parents in Boston.  The second round of movers will be there Saturday afternoon to collect everything else for the Salvation Army.  And then the house will be empty...filled with nothing by my memories, pain, and probably tears (and some Kleenex).

Closing is on Tuesday the 22nd...the very same day that I'm leaving Dallas to go to Boston.  That's going to be a tough day.

By the way - I'm totally obsessed with this new webcam thing and video chatting...so I'm gonna try to shoot a video blog at Jason's house Friday and Saturday so you can see it before it's no longer ours.

Until next time--
Stuart